John and Karkat: Christmas
by Wolf Vantas
Summary: Its Christmas on alternia and john tells karkat about it and he waited for an entire month for a gift and just finds out he has to be nice so lets see how this ends out! sorry for a late Christmas fanfic XD


**Scene: Its Christmas! John made the biggest mistake of telling one troll about Christmas which was our shouty temperamental little shit Karkat Vantas. So Karkat has been hanging for an entire month for a gift, but he doesn't understand the part of being nice to get a gift so on Christmas day...he got nothing only one thing which was coal. So he is one pissed off troll when he finds out so he has to try and be "NICE"! will he survive or just go full on nuts and has to sent to an asylum? **

Karkat: *is under the Christmas tree looking at presents for his* ...

John: uh...karkat?...

Karkat: WHERE IS IT!? *throws a present at a wall and hears a smash*

John: Didn't need that anyway...*sighs* what's wrong...

Karkat: *slowly turns to john and comes out* I just don't understand...I have looked at every present...and I found all the assholes gift including you...but...

John: oh no here it comes...

Karkat: where is...MY GIFT!? I AM THE LEADER SO I SHOULD GET THE BIGGEST AND THE BEST PRESENT ON ALTERNIA!

John: yeah about that...

Karkat: I WORKED MY FUCKING ASS OFF TO KEEP EVERYONE ALIVE AND DID A FUCKING WELL DONE JOB AND I SHOULD GET A FUCKING GIFT! BUT I DONT!

John: I might have the reason *grabs a roll of people* see this *paper rolls down and has everyone names on them* if you have a smiley face you have been good and if you get a frowny face you have been bad. So here's Jade *all smiley faces* see good and the others are good, I'm just amazing!

Karkat: I don't get it Eridan only has one smiley face...

John: Oh! But here's you... *no happy faces at all* heh heh...get the picture yet?...

Karkat: um...*stands there* uh...yeah no...

John: no happy faces that means...n...no gifts...

Karkat: heh heh...heh heh heh heh heh...y-you're joking am I correct...you are tricking me as a prank...nice one...cause of course I wouldn't be WAITING FOR AN ENTIRE LONG MONTH OF PAIN FOR NO REASON! Would I?...

John: oh boy...sadly this isn't a prank...

Karkat: *looks under tree again* YOU ARE LYING EGBERT!

John: oh shit...

Karkat: *find one* Ah-ha! *it's a small ball* What IS this?...*opens it and finds coal* a rock...a midget meteoroid that you humans call a rock?...What TYPE of gift IS this!? *ditches it at a wall*

John: That's what you get when your an asshole and aren't nice...

Karkat: nice does NOT exist in my thinkpan EGBERT...you should know me by now...

John: then no present for you then.

Karkat: fine see if I care...*stands up and leaves room*

John: *sighs* three... two...one...

Karkat: *comes back* you're a GREAT friend...

John: works like a charm there we go now for 24 hours karkat. Good luck. My middle finger solutes you *flips him off and grins*

Karkat: *twitches* t-thank you...*walks off*

John: *Lies back on couch* this will be fun

Karkat: *walking around in circles for 5 minutes in kitchen mumbling in frustration quietly* i hate him I hate him I hate him I fucking hate him...

John: what was that? *from the lounge room*

Karkat: I l-like you...

John: that's what I thought!

Half an hour later!

Karkat: *in a different room on the phone* Pick up! PICK UP YOU SON OF A- *answers* hello! I want to buy your l-lovely products...oh my name *has johns credit card* john Egbert and I would like to buy...your...

5 minutes later!

Karkat: uh...*person hangs up* YOU LITTLE FUCKING BASTARD! YOU SON OF A BULGDE LICKER! YOU WILL HAVE MY SICKLE UP YOUR FUCKING ASS! *ditches phone at wall*

John: um...what was that? *smirks*

Karkat: u-uh I mean you lovely human I want to give you a big hug of happiness!

John: *trying not to laugh*

Karkat: *trying not to flip out in anger and flip john into a lawnmower and cut him into pieces and then piss on his grave*

30 minutes later!

Karkat: *knocks at front door*

John: *opens door* oh no...

Karkat: ...*clears throat* jingle bells...jingle bells...fuck I give up...JOHN FUCKING EGBERT YOU BETTER GIVE ME A GOOD FUCKING PRESENT!

John: *crosses arms*

Karkat: ...hay...

John: nice cover of jingle bells VERY nice indeed...*slowly shuts door*

Karkat: wait...wait wait wait wait wait...WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!

*door shuts*

An hour later!

John: *enters room and sees Karkat hanging decoration* this is my room...where's my stuff...

Karkat: oh I made it more happy then boring and stupid, happy Christmas

John: yeah... um...could you do something nice...for me and take these decorations off and out of my room and bring my stuff back in here?

Karkat: ...do you realise how many assholes I had to beat up to get this crap...

John: well beating up assholes means no gifts

Karkat: did I say beat up? I mean asked nicely

End of day!

John: ok you have been nice for almost the entire day so... I got you a gift *grabs box with wrapping for karkat*

Karkat: ...YES! *takes it* FUCK YOU AND YOUR HOLIDAYS! I HAVE MY PRESENT AND NOW IM BACK TO ASSHOLE ME! I WIN! *rips it open*

John: *smiles* you see...

Karkat: *box of nothing* WHAT!

John: you weren't nice in the inside and I think santa knew sorry karkat as I said he watches you everyday

Karkat: THIS IS NOT FAIR! SANTA IS A FOOL! HE IS A FUCKING FOOL! WHERE IS MY GIFT!

John: *absconds*

Karkat: JOHN! FUCKING EGBERT! GET BACK HERE! *rips box in half and throws it on the ground* I HATE CHRISTMAS! *chases John*

The end!


End file.
